


Left Behind

by Halzbarry



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episosde: s01e05, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:16:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6061789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halzbarry/pseuds/Halzbarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Len wanted to leave him behind. As much as Ray didn't want to believe it, he'd been conscious enough to hear just enough. Now Ray simply had to confront him, and come to terms with the fact that the man he'd thought was his ally could truly have cared less about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So basically after Episode 5 I wanted to vent my frustration with what happened between Len and Ray, and wanted a chance to show Ray's anger Len wanting to leave him behind. This will probably be a few chapters to show how Len and Ray work through Ray's issues with Len and how they mend their partnership and take it further possibly. Basically I just really wanted to write some Coldatom angst haha. 
> 
> **Note** This is tentatively mature but could either go up to Explicit or down to Teen depending on how long I make this.

It had taken a while for the celebration to die down, and eventually most everyone had left to do their own thing. Jax, Kendra and Stein had gone to sleep. Rip said something about the tending to the ship, and Len… Ray didn’t know where he was. The only ones still in the main room of the ship now were Ray, Sara, and Mick which worked out well for Ray.

Being held in captivity and tortured had left him bruised and battered physically, but he’d held strong emotionally because he knew he could count on the rest of the team to spring him and Mick free. Which was all the more reason he was inwardly pissed and hurt at what he’d thought he’d imagined Len saying.

“Alright. I’m done for the night,” Mick growled, downing one last shot before slamming the shot glass on the table.

“Wait, Mick,” Ray called out before Mick could move to leave.

Mick begrudgingly turned to him and shot him a glare that signaled that he only had a few moments to ask him what he needed.

“I just have one question,” Ray started.

Mick huffed and stood where he was. “Make it quick. Alcohol makes me violent unless I sleep it off.”

Ray took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he’d get the answer he wanted from Mick either because he wouldn’t remember or because he would protect Len out of loyalty, but he had no choice but to try and ask.

“When Len rescued us from the gulag I—I almost felt like I was dreaming it, but I—I don’t know some parts of it seemed so real. I was in the prison and you were there, and then Len came, and at first I was happy, but then he told you to leave me behind. He said that I’d take a beating for anyone or something like that.”

The moment Ray finished his sentence Mick’s face had changed suddenly. It was a brief shift, but he could see almost surprise in Mick’s face. Sara, who seemed content to sit in the corner not paying them any attention, now seemed intrigued and walked over to the two of them.

“What’s your question, Pretty Boy?” Mick grumbled.

Ray shrugged and did his best to seem unconcerned by Mick’s reaction, but it seemed like more than enough evidence to figure that it was true. “I guess what I’m asking is whether or not he truly said that, or if I had imagined it. But seeing your reaction, I think it’s obvious that it’s true.”

“No way. There’s no way he would say something like that. He went in there to save you both, and you both came out,” Sara cut in. Though she sounded calm there was a hint of agitation in her voice.

Mick hummed as if to cut her off and Sara didn’t push any further instead turning to Mick with a puzzled glance. Mick looked like he was thinking of something before he turned to Ray one last time.

“If you want to know what he said ask him yourself.”

But Ray didn’t need to ask. Mick’s expression had told him everything he needed to know.

Mick left the room and Ray sat for a moment, letting the quiet help him make sense of the fact that Len, who he thought had maybe come to see him at least as an ally, was more than okay leaving him behind. It wasn’t that he was all that surprised, after all between him and Mick Len’s choice would obviously be Mick. It just didn’t make things hurt any less. Sara was still looking at him, her eyes calculating, no doubt trying to figure out what was going on in his head.

“You don’t really think Len would leave a teammate behind, do you?” she finally asked.

“I’m starting to think he would. Namely, me.” Ray quickly answered.

Sara crossed her arms and leaned against the table, her expression unreadable as he glanced down at him. “As someone who was ready to make one of the biggest mistakes possible last night until Len talked me down from it, I think I’m qualified enough to say that he wouldn’t let a teammate die or leave them behind.”

Ray considered her words for a moment, but they no matter how hard he wanted to believe them, they just wouldn’t stick. She didn’t hear Len tell Mick that it was simply about them, and she wasn’t there when Len griped about Mick saving him. Even though she meant well, she couldn’t help him, and she wouldn’t be able to change his mind on Len.

“Good night, Sara,” he said before walking away to his bedroom.

He didn’t want or need to confront Len about it at all. He would just keep out of the man’s way if that’s how he felt. It’d be the easiest for the team, and the easiest thing for him.

 

~oOo~

 

Ray heard the door open, but he didn’t bother to look back to see who it was. At the moment he wasn’t interested in talking to anyone even if he had pretended to be alright to share a drink with them the night before. It was even worse when he heard the familiar click of boots against the floor belonging to one Leonard Snart.

“So, Boy Scout, how’re we doing?” Len asked.

Ray swallowed, but kept silent, instead turning his focus back to his suit that he was aimlessly inspecting simply to give himself something to do.

He’d hardly slept at all last night, and eventually he just gave up and went to the room where he kept his suit and sat inspecting it over and over again. He didn’t truly know how much being in Russian jail would affect him until now when he realized that nothing felt the same, especially how he felt about Len.

“Something on your mind, Raymond?” Len asked, now seated at the table beside where he was working.

“I’m fine,” Ray said, a bite to his words. He still made sure to not look back and look at Len even though a strong part of him wanted to. A big part of him wanted to yell, scream, hell even hit Len for what he’d said back in the prison, but he knew Len was completely unaware that Ray knew, and he didn’t want to give Len any knowledge that he still cared about him at all.

Len huffed and rolled his eyes exasperatedly before getting up out of his seat and approaching him.

“I’m probably going to regret this, but I’ll bite. Tell me what’s wrong,” Len offered.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Ray sharply replied.

“Obviously there is if you look this tense being around me. You still bothered about being in prison?”

Ray snickered derisively. The prison was the source of many of the problems he had right now, but it wasn’t the biggest. Ray, though, simply didn’t say anything, and mentally steeled himself as Len moved closer to him until he was almost right in Ray’s personal space.

“Alright, Raymond, I’m done asking nicely,” Len said, a now irritable growl lingering in his normally stoic voice. “What the hell is your problem?”

Something in Ray’s mind shut off. Maybe it was the part that was trying so hard to ignore Len, or maybe the part that was trying to temper his emotions, but whatever it was, it had started to shut down completely.

“You’re the problem!” Ray yelled, immediately taking several breaths before realizing what he’d just said.

Len gave him a hard glare, but didn’t budge an inch, standing firmly face to face Ray, maybe a little too close for Ray’s comfort… which was highly ironic. Before this Ray wouldn’t have denied an attraction to the thief. Hell, he had even started to welcome Len’s presence. There was something about Leonard Snart that seemed to keep him in check with his sarcastic, take charge attitude. But right now, Ray couldn’t see any of that in Len. All he saw was the man who was content to let him rot in the Russian prison while he and Mick escaped.

“Alright, so you have a problem with me. What is it?” Len asked in an eerily calm voice.

It was now or never at this point, though he had a feeling Len wouldn’t let him leave until he said something. It didn’t help though that all those feelings he’d been holding back and trying to repress since yesterday were now bubbling to the surface.

“I thought maybe you and I had come to some sort of understanding, that we could call each other teammates or at least allies, but after the prison break I realized that’s not the case at all,” Ray explained, doing his best to stay calm and collected. Thankfully, his mind let him say what he had to say as calmly as possible, but that didn’t seem to help Len who was now glaring harder at him.

“We’re teammates, Raymond. It’s just that some people on this team make stupid decisions and nearly get themselves and other people killed. One of those other people just so happened to be my partner.”

That was all it took before any last mental and emotional reserve Ray had snapped and broke down.

“Well maybe you should’ve just let Mick leave me behind then!” he yelled. That seemed to surprise Len, a brief flicker of shock crossing the man’s face only momentarily, but Ray wasn’t done. Not yet.

“I thought maybe I was dreaming the whole thing, that it was just some nightmare from being tortured. I mean, there’s no way someone I had just come to trust would be okay just leaving behind a teammate to die. But then I realized it was all real. You wanted Mick to leave me there in that prison, right? In fact, you didn’t care if I got out at all did you? You got Mick out fine, and that was all you were there to do. I was just some idiot who deserved to die for being stupid, right?”

Len’s expression darkened now, and had he not been running on an adrenaline rush from his angry outburst he’d probably have been way more terrified of the man than he currently was.

“You think I wanted to leave you behind? Don’t forget you’re the one who got us into this mess because you wanted to save Vostok.” Len questioned. Ray could see his narrowed eyes boring into him, and he looked ready to attack someone at any minute. But that wouldn’t stop Ray. He had a lot to say, and he was gonna say it.

“I get it. Mick and I being imprisoned was my fault and that’s why I took the beating for Mick in prison. He didn’t deserve that. But, I think you were more than okay with leaving me behind. If it hadn’t been for Mick, I’d probably still be there. Hell, I’d probably be dead by now.” Len opened his mouth to say something, but Ray was tired. He said what he wanted to say, and now he just wanted nothing more than to stay out of Len’s away and vice-versa. “Look, Snart, I get that you don’t like me, so I’ll do you a favor and stay away from you if you stay away from me. After all it’s just you and Mick, right?”

Ray didn’t wait for an answer, and quickly made his way out of the room.

“We’re not done yet, Raymond!” Len growled, but Ray didn’t bother to respond. As far as he was concerned this was the end of their partnership, friendship, or whatever the hell they had ended up before this.

Ray walked out and he didn’t feel the least bit of shame that he almost briskly walked back to his room. He wasn’t going to give Len the satisfaction of getting to say what he wanted. What Len did was wrong, and he had no intention of changing his mind on that anytime soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2. Hope you all enjoy it!

Len welcomed the distraction of robbing a bank. There was always something so exhilarating yet calming about a spontaneous robbery. It got his blood rushing, and more importantly, it distracted him from any personal matters that were lingering on his mind.

Rip had left them in New York during the thirties to track down Savage and his latest operation of the decade. Len, though, wanted no parts of the operation, and had craftily offered to stay behind with Mick and guard the ship, but that was simply a ruse. He had no intention of staying on board this ship, namely because there were things to steal, and he didn’t want to remain on the ship while Ray was still there recuperating.

Which was how he convinced Mick to sneak away from the ship and find a simple bank to rob which given the advanced technology they had wasn’t hard. In fact, it worked out so well that the two of had managed to hit another two banks before they decided to make their way back to the ship with bags filled with pilfered money and jewels in hand.

Mick though seemed more distant than usual. He still worked and did his job as well as usual, but something seemed off about him, and Len was starting to get irritated because of it.

Len had his feet kicked up on the table in the main room of the Waverider while Mick sat counting the money and gems he’d stolen at the other end. Len noted the lack of Raymond scurrying about on the ship, and though he wanted to be concerned, after their conversation, he was doing everything within his power to not think of him.

“How much did you get?” Len asked as they made their way out of the back door of the banks that was busted through thanks to a combination of Len’s Cold Gun and Mick’s Heat Gun.

“Enough. We should be able to pawn some of this for some real good cash when we get back to Central City,” Mick answered. His voice was normally gruff, but there was the added sharpness to it, and Mick of all people knew Len would notice any slight change like that.

“First Raymond, and now you,” Len bemoaned. “Alright, what’s your problem?”

Mick looked up from his money momentarily, but shook his head before returning to his counting. “It’s nothing, Snart.”

Len got up from his chair and approached Mick, regarding him carefully before pulling up a seat next to him.

“You’ve been different ever since we left the prison. And we’ve been partners long enough that I can tell something’s bothering you, so go on,” Len demanded.

Mick groaned for a moment, but he put down the jewels that were in his hand and turned to Len with a blank face.

“You and Pretty Boy, is there something going on with you two?” Mick asked.

Len didn’t seem surprised by his question, but it was still not a topic he wanted to talk about, especially with how things between him and Ray had been lately.

He didn’t think Ray would’ve been so resentful after the gulag breakout, but it was evident he’d miscalculated that. The guy was normally full of sunshine, but ever since their confrontation, Ray hadn’t cracked a smile once. And true to his word, Ray had avoided him at almost every turn.

When the entire team was huddled together to plan their next move, Ray made sure to stand on the opposite end from him, and when their eyes would meet for a brief moment, Len would see the flicker of hurt before Ray turned away to gaze at something else.

It was starting to frustrate him, especially when he had just started to develop a begrudging amount of care for the scientist.

“If you’re referring to Raymond, then there’s nothing to worry about. Seems he’s not too fond of me right now, and I can’t say I feel differently,” Len answered casually careful not to give away any indication of his annoyance when he thought of Ray.

Mick huffed, and Len narrowed his eyes. “Seems to me he thought you two had a lot more going on than just that.”

“And what do makes you think that?” Len asked, his voice low and accusatory filling his voice now.

Mick shrugged. “The kid was hurt when you wanted to ditch him back in the prison. Seemed like he thought a bit more highly of you.”

Len sat back in his seat and folded his arms, not once removing his glare from Mick. “And why should I care what Raymond thinks of me? It’s not my concern.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Snart.” 

Mick went back to ignoring him and counting the spread of jewels and cash before him.

“So what, you think Raymond and are friends now? That we want to rip each other’s clothes off? Don’t forget Mick, he nearly screwed us all over and got you killed,” Len growled.

“The kid took a beating for me, Snart. Not to mention he refused to sacrifice your life even if it meant the world going to hell.”

“So I should be grateful that he nearly screwed up everything up just to save me?” Len asked with growing anger.

“I think you need to pull your head out of your ass and realize that the kid likes you and he’s pissed off you wanted to leave him.”

Mick’s words were biting, hinting that he had his own opinions on the situation, but he didn’t bother to say anything after that, instead opting to regard Len with a dismissive glare before returning to his cut of the job they had just pulled.

Len searched for something to say, but the words alluded him. He didn’t need a reminder of the way Ray looked at him when he was left with the choice of helping Vostok and Savage possible destroy the world or saving his life. He’d seen enough movies to know it was the look of someone who was about to lose their entire world. He hadn’t received a look like that in a long time.

So for the sake of not letting Raymond consume his mind anymore though, he had to forget about him. So he did what he did best and turned to anger. Anger that Ray had almost doomed the world. Anger that Ray had endangered Mick’s life. Anger that Ray had endangered his own life for Len’s sake.

Before either of them could utter another word, the door to the ship opened and Len and Mick watched as the team started to trickle in. As they got closer Len could see they were tired and beaten, some with obvious wounds. What caught his attention though was Sara and Jax who both despite their own obvious worn state were supporting what looked like an unconscious Ray as they walked onto the ship.

Len hated that he couldn’t draw his attention away from Ray, he also hated the almost instantaneous move towards him, Jax, and Sara.

“What the hell happened?” he asked, masking his anger and frustration behind a wall of cool.

“Recon mission went wrong. Savage had people already waiting to ambush us,” Sara answered.

Len did what he could to remain calm, but Ray seemed completely unresponsive almost just like the in the gulag, and it made it just that much harder for him to keep his cool.

“What about him?” he asked, motioning to Ray. “I thought he was on the ship resting?”

“When he figured out you two had left the ship, he knew there wouldn’t have been enough time to call you two in, so Dr. Palmer flew in with his suit to help instead,” Rip answered.

Sara had turned her eyes to him, and Len looked down at her momentarily before looking away as he saw something questioning lingering in her gaze.

“Take Dr. Palmer to the rehabilitation room and quickly. His wounds most likely have re-opened, and we need to stabilize him now before his condition worsens,” Rip commanded.

Sara and Jax immediately did as they were told and disappeared further into the ship while Len closed his eyes, doing his best to appear irritated when in deep down he felt that same twinge of annoyance he got the last time Ray had done something to stupidly endanger himself, but this time it was followed by that gut-wrenching fear that maybe this would be the thing that killed him.

His suit had masked the damage, but he didn’t need to see to know how damaged Ray was. He saw him after he’d been freed from the gulag, and if Ray had re-opened those same wounds, then chances are he was in bad shape.

He wasn’t ready to admit he had feelings for Ray because he still struggled to come to terms just what the hell those feelings were anyways. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to admit to anything. But damnit he would at least go check on him, even if Ray didn’t want him to.

 

~oOo~

 

Len had given everything a few hours to settle down. No one had the energy to scold him or Mick for robbing banks while they were busy fighting off Savage and his allies. Instead everyone was quiet, resting in their rooms, manning the ship like Rip was, or in Sara and Kendra’s case, the rehabilitation room where they had stayed to keep an eye on Ray.

Len found himself back in his shared room with Mick, who had passed out from exhaustion. The two of them didn’t finish their earlier conversation, mostly because any time Mick even looked in his direction Len made sure to levy a glare his way.

His mind was buzzing constantly with thoughts of Ray and how he was. The lack of commotion had at least assured him that Ray wasn’t dying or in critical condition anymore, but the silence of the ship gave his mind too much time think and work, and he didn’t like that, at least when it came to Ray.

He groaned and got up off his bed and begrudgingly made his way through the ship back to where the rehabilitation room was. He hesitated before going inside, his arm resting against the cold steel of the door before he decided to go in.

With a resigned sigh he pushed to open the door and was quickly met with curious glances from both Sara and Kendra.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Sara commented, from right beside Ray’s unconscious body.

Len shrugged nonchalantly. “I got bored, so I came to check on Raymond here and see if he was awake. I never did get a chance to give him a piece of my mind after his stunt back in the USSR.”

“He’s better. Gideon was able to take care of the more severe wounds, but he still needs more time to heal,” Kendra explained.

Len slowly made his way closer to Ray, careful to ensure his entire demeanor was calm and collected no matter how badly it bothered him to see Ray in his current condition.

“Wish I could I say I was surprised that Raymond was dumb enough to go rushing into battle without thinking about his own injuries,” Len scoffed.

“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh? If it weren’t for him, Savage might’ve killed us all,” Kendra argued. He admired Kendra’s boldness and quickness to defend her team, and he knew in some respects that she was right. 

Len immediately looked down when Ray started coughing, and he felt a twinge of jealousy and possessiveness when he saw both Kendra and Sara jump to his side first, leaving him to watch from behind.

Ray’s eyes opened slightly and he had that same goofy grin on his face despite his weakened state.

“I take it we won?” he croaked.

“All thanks to you,” Sara answered, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

Len had to admire Sara, and the way she could be this fearless assassin when she fought, but could be a warm, comforting presence, even if she didn’t think she was capable of it sometimes.

“You scared us all, Ray. You shouldn’t have over done it like that,” Kendra scolded with a smile on her face.

“Hey if it means beating the bad guys, then I’ll do what it takes,” Ray said weakly.

Ray had another small coughing fit, but he turned to Len and his expression shifted swiftly, his smile dissipating and tension starting to fill his weakened body.

“You look good, Raymond,” Len teased.

“What are you doing here, Snart?” Ray demanded.

“Came to check on you and make sure your latest round of stupidity didn’t kill you.”

Ray narrowed his eyes, and Len didn’t need to look to the others to sense that Sara and Kendra were glaring at him too.

“I thought we agreed, you leave me alone, I leave you alone?”

“We’re teammates, Raymond. Even if you annoy me, I don’t exactly want to you to die.”

Ray coughed again, but still managed to scoff and snicker at his words. “I find that hard to believe now, Snart.”

Sara turned back to Ray before looking back at Len, this time he didn’t miss the glare in eyes.

Len closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but before he could say something or even begin to say something Ray devolved into another coughing fit, this time worse than all the others, and Len immediately made a move towards him only to be stopped by Sara.

“You and I are going outside,” she commanded. “Kendra, take care of him.”

Sara grabbed Len’s hand and dragged him along, but he turned back for one brief moment to see Kendra trying to comfort Ray, who looked like he was in excruciating pain. And in that moment, Len felt that same heartache he felt when he first saw Ray all beaten up in gulag, and he knew he never wanted to see him like that again.

When he and Sara were outside and away from the door, she turned to him with her now cold eyes and looked ready to snap.

“Tell me it’s not true,” she started immediately.

“What are you talking about?” Len asked agitatedly.

“He told us what happened, or what he thought happened back in the USSR. That you tried to convince Mick to leave him behind. That you almost let him, one of our teammates, be left alone in the hellhole prison to fend for himself completely injured.”

Len didn’t look at Sara because he knew his expression would give it away. She was an assassin and her perception was far too good to miss it.

“I gave him his suit, and he had ample means to handle himself, Sara. My priority was getting Mick out because he couldn’t do that alone,” Len answered, struggling to hold in all the emotions he was feeling.

Sara snickered in a disgusted and almost mocking way, and he could see how visibly upset and annoyed she was.

“So while you convinced me to save Stein’s life because I’m not a killer, you were going to leave Ray behind to possibly die instead? Everything you said was a lie,” Sara accused.

“It wasn’t a lie,” he growled back, trying hard to hold back his quickly growing temper.

“Then how the hell could you justify leaving Ray in that prison to defend himself? You saw how bad he was.”

“Because I had to believe that Raymond could escape on his own!” Len shouted. It wasn’t loud, but it was emotional and angry and everything that he tried to avoid being. Emotions were a sign of weakness. He had learned that early on when he was a child living with an abusive, criminal father. Len took a deep breath to reel himself in, but the floodgates were already open, and Sara’s angrily curious glaring wasn’t helping either.

“When I tried to get them out, I didn’t plan on Raymond being unconscious. Breaking out of prison with Raymond unconscious and slowing us down raised the chances that we all got killed. When I got there I had to come up with a new plan quickly. And that’s why I left him with his suit; because I trusted that even though he’s completely incompetent half the time, he would find his way out without us. Mick, however, insisted on taking him with us. But I knew Raymond could do it. He had too.”

That seemed to do little to lighten Sara’s mood, but slowly the anger slightly receded from her eyes.

“You trusted him to get out,” she said, not as much a question as much as it was a statement as if she already knew the answer.  

And she was right. He knew in that moment that Ray would find a way out. The guy irritated the hell out of him, but he knew he was genius and a determined one at that. He’d have gotten out fine. He had to believe that.

“I’m not interested in this whole sharing of emotions thing. It’s not my style,” he dismissed.

He’d said more than enough, and he needed to find a place to regroup and build back up that wall that had somehow temporarily crumbled.

He started to walk away, but only got a few steps in before Sara called his name and halted him. He looked over his shoulder to see her smiling at him, albeit a small smile that still held some degree of frustration behind it.

“I see the way you two look at each other,” she started, taking a short pause after saying that. “You should tell him.”

Len huffed in amusement and gave a half wave before walking back to his and Mick’s shared room. As he crawled back into bed, his thoughts were still on Ray. Seeing his body to broken and worn, and the anger lingering in his eyes, it aggravated him. Why it aggravated him so much, was the question now.

 Maybe—just maybe, he would take Sara’s advice. Even if he didn’t tell the entire truth to Raymond, he could at least relieve himself of the constant annoyance of the man avoiding him.

And God knows how much he secretly longed to see him smile again.


	3. Chapter 3

Ray had decided that in this one instance he’d admit that he’d slightly overdone it with the last rescue mission, if the pain in his entire body was any indication.

The pain had been dulling slightly since he’d gotten out of the rehabilitation room, but even then every cut, bruise, and injury he’d received in the gulag would ache on and off, and this time with a vengeance. It was only because of the amazing futuristic, pain-relieving ointment that Gideon had helped him create that he wasn’t bedridden with crippling pain all the time.

But the pain was worth it, at least to him, though he had to swear to Sara and Kendra he wouldn’t pull a stupid move like that again. But he knew that there was very little guarantee that he’d follow through with that. After all, heroes always put others before themselves, and that included teammates.

Which was why it bothered him that Len was there to check on him. Len didn’t seem bothered at all about his decision to try to ditch him in the gulag for Mick. Maybe he had his reasons, but Ray didn’t want to hear them.

He figured that the worst pain of all was remembering that Len had told Mick to leave him. And that wound would definitely take a lot longer to heal.

They hadn’t talked at all in the last couple of days after Len had tried back in the rehabilitation room, and he figured Len would’ve been more than okay not talking to him. But something just seemed off. It was almost as if he actually cared about him. He only wished he could’ve heard whatever the conversation he and Sara had outside was about.

Whatever was going on it didn’t seem to matter to most of the others. It had been business as usual, at least today when Ray had gone to the discussion about the team’s next move. Rather than brawn, Rip had taken to plotting to do things more stealthily, at least while Ray was down and out.

But this time Len made no effort to hide the fact that he was looking at Ray, and Ray quickly noticed it. He swallowed hard whenever Len looked at him, cool eyes almost analyzing him, and Ray would only look back for a moment before looking elsewhere as he’d been doing.

But nothing had come of it. When the meeting was over, Sara, Kendra, and Dr. Stein had all checked in to make sure he was feeling better, and after that Ray went back to his room to lie down again.

And that’s where he was now. Staring at the ceiling of his room, wondering why he couldn’t kick Leonard Snart from his head.

He was startled out of his thought processing by a knock at the door that startled him. He had just gotten comfortable, and really didn’t feel like getting up to open it for whoever it was.

“Gideon, mind helping me out?” he asked.

“Of course, Dr. Palmer,” Gideon answered.

He heard the mechanical door the click and open, and much to his surprise, Mick and Sara were standing on the other side, the usual irritable look on his face.

“Woah, I wasn’t—uh—expecting you two,” Ray said, puzzled as he regarded both of them with a suspicious glance.

“I wasn’t expecting you either,” Mick grumbled. Ray had no clue what that meant, but Sara seemed to step in front of Mick.

“I made Mick come. We need to talk—about Len,” she started.

Ray shook his head, doing his best to look innocent and confused. “I don’t know what we have to talk about. He and I don’t really interact much.”

“Cut the shit, Pretty Boy,” Mick growled, startling Ray to attention. “We see how you two look at each other. It’s all disgusting and sappy. It makes me sick.”

Sara already seemed tired, and rolled her eyes at him. “I think what he’s trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious you two have, or had, a thing for each other.”

Ray shrugged, but he knew his face was showing way more than indifference to the situation. “Okay… maybe we did, or at least I thought we did. There’s not much going on now. We’ve agreed to stay away from each other, so that’s it.”

“Well fix it. Snart is annoying the hell out of me with his moping and griping,” Mick grumbled.

“He’s moping?” Ray asked.

“He is. Whatever is going on between you two is putting him in a seriously bad mood. He hardly talks and when he does it’s always grouchy,” Sara answered.

“There’s nothing to fix. He wanted to leave me in the gulag, and I don’t want to fix whatever friendship, or whatever the hell it was, between us.”  He was firm in his resolve, or at least he hoped that’s what he sounded like. At this point he wasn’t certain his words and his feelings were matching up. Some part of him did want to talk to Len and figure out what the hell was going through his mind. But he knew that would get him nowhere as Len never did strike him as the talk about your feelings type.

“I told you this was a waste of time,” Mick directed at Sara, walking out of the room before she could stop him.

When the door closed behind him, Sara sighed again before looking up at him, determination filling her eyes.

Ray tried to ignore it, but he knew she could keep that up much longer than he’d be able to pretend she wasn’t there so he just groaned.

“I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t think he even cares what happened or how I feel about it,” Ray admitted.

“I talked to him, and I just think you should hear him out. He’s got a lot more to say than you think, Ray.”

Ray looked away and crawled back into bed, pulling the cover over his body while staring up at the ceiling.

“I doubt it would do any good, so why even bother?”

There was a brief pause, but Sara walked closer, and Ray glanced over to see a smile creeping on her lips. “You still like him don’t you?” she asked suddenly. 

Ray sat up immediately and looked shocked and surprised. _Damn it, she knew and he’d made it that much more obvious to._

“Why would you think that?” he asked.

“Because, you two are acting like jilted lovers.” She was now full-blown smiling at him, and while it made him feels slightly uneasy that she was able to pick up on his feelings, it was somewhat comforting that he didn’t have to hide it so much. “Look, I’m probably the last person who should be counseling you on how to handle your emotions, but I think you should hear him out. You might regret what could’ve been if you don’t.”

Ray took in a deep breath at that, but he didn’t speak. His mind thought about all the possibilities of what he and Len could be—could’ve been before all this had happened. It wasn’t like he had expected Len to reciprocate his feelings. After all, half the time they were together Len seemed a minute away from snapping at him. But he didn’t miss the nicknames Len gave him, or the way his eyes seem to fall on him just a bit longer than anyone else. Maybe deep down inside he’d developed some sort of hope that he and Len could maybe work out. Maybe not now, but maybe when this was all over.

Ray just gave her a nod, but there was an uptick of his lips in something of a tiny grin.

“Thanks, Sara,” Ray said finally.

Sara seemed pleased with his response and folded her arms and flashed him one last smile before turning to walk away.

“Goodnight, Ray.”

 

~oOo~

 

Ray figured that sleep would’ve come easier to him after his talk with Sara and Mick, sort of. But for some reason Sara’s reassurance that it was worth talking to him had set his mind ablaze with thoughts and he hadn’t been able to close his eyes for more than couple of hours.

His mind kept supplying scenarios about how his and Len’s conversation could go, and even though he was still pissed off at him, and had even thought about punching him in the face once or twice, he still had a burning desire to know.

Eventually his mind started to wander even further, and he had even started to imagine a scenario in which things between them got better and they had a life where Len wasn’t a criminal anymore and they were living happily in Star City.

Soon his entire mind was filled with ideas of what he and Len could be. That was the point that he realized Sara was right. He had to talk to him. Even if didn’t change anything between them, he at least needed to hear him out, if only for his own peace of mind.

But what was it he had to say that Sara believed could change his mind?

His room suddenly felt confining, like it was shrinking and closing in on him which happened when his mind started racing with ideas like this. Normally, he’d get up and invent something, or plot some idea for something he should create. But he didn’t have that luxury on the Waverider, but he at least had a place where he could go and at least stare out at space and the stars in peace.

He crawled out of bed and made his way to the lower deck of the Waverider and towards the end of the ship until he reached the door leading to the promenade deck. The hallway was filled with windows looking out into the emptiness of space and it was at least quiet and relaxing, and rarely did anyone ever go down there.

When the door opened, he nearly gasped when he saw Len of all people leaning against the wall, arms folded and his face locked in his usual slightly irritated scowl. He didn’t turn in his direction as Ray walked in, and Ray didn’t know whether to ignore him or say something.

It also wasn’t helping that his mind had still started re-playing out the dozens of ways this conversation could go.

“I take it you couldn’t sleep either?” Ray asked, forcing himself to walk up to Len.

“Mick was snoring. Not really conducive to a good night’s sleep,” Len quipped sarcastically. Ray nodded, but didn’t move, eventually causing Len to glance his way. “Is there something you want, Raymond? Last I checked we weren’t exactly on speaking terms.”

“I guess that depends on whether you want to talk about what happened back in Russia or not.”

That finally seemed to crack Len a little, and he stood up a little straighter, though at the cost of looking more agitated now than before.

“And what makes you think I have anything to say?”

Ray shrugged. “Sara and Mick both seemed to think we should talk, and you were in the rehab room checking on me, so I took it to mean you wanted to.”

“Well surprise. I don’t have anything to say. But word of advice, Raymond, you should stop listening to other people so much. It turns you into a trusting fool, and you get taken advantage of. Which in your case seems to be the norm,” Len mocked.

Ray felt his muscles tighten which seemed to agitate the sores and bruises that remained.

“Is that because I tried to save Vostok?” he asked.

“It’s for a multitude of things, Raymond. Mostly, it’s for the ridiculous hero complex you have. You try to save and trust everyone and make stupid decisions that nearly get yourself or others killed. And you still have yet to learn from that.” Len huffed and looked back out the window into the empty blackness of space. “For example, you seemed to automatically believe Sara and Mick when they said I wanted to talk to you, but obviously I don’t. Now you look stupid.”

Ray’s fists were clenched now, and Len seemed to notice the increase in agitation coming from him with the way his eyes slowly raked up and down his body.

“Pardon me for caring that you were apparently moping and griping at people,” Ray snipped.

Len’s eyebrow raised at the accusation. “Again, I didn’t ask you to care. Even if I was moping, griping, or whatever, it’s none of your concern.”

This obviously was a bad idea, and while some part of Ray wanted to walk away, there had been so much stored up in his head that he needed to get out that he figured now would be the perfect opportunity to get it out.

“Just like you didn’t ask me to care when Vostok had a gun to your head, right?” Len’s scowl deepened at that, but Ray kept going. He was going to get everything off his chest right here, right now. “I get that you don’t care whether I live or die, but you don’t get to mock me wanting to save people or trying to see the good in them.”

Len tilted his head just slightly as his agitation quite obviously grew.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Raymond. I never said I didn’t care whether you lived or died. As irritating as you are, you’re somewhat useful. And as far as Vostok is concerned, I made you promise to do one thing, and you couldn’t even do that.”

“Really and what was that?” Ray asked with a sarcastic huff.

“I told you to take the core offline regardless of what happened to me. Instead, you nearly jeopardized the entire world just to save my life which goes against everything we’ve been doing,” Len barked, a strong bite to each of his words that only served to make Ray angrier.

“Well forgive me for not wanting to lose you!” Ray exclaimed. “Maybe I did deserve to go to that prison for nearly screwing everything up, and maybe in some weird, twisted way you were justified in leaving me behind to die while you saved Mick. But I wasn’t going to let you die for the sake of a mission. I’ve lost enough in my life.” Ray hadn’t even processed what words were coming out of his mouth, but Len’s mildly shocked expression made him realize he must have said something ridiculous.

A few moments of silence passed, the air filled only with sounds of Ray’s heavier breathing. “You’re an idiot, Raymond,” Len said, his eyes closed and his face more relaxed now for some reason. Ray’s breathing had calmed down, and now he was just staring at Len puzzled. “I never planned to leave you behind.”

“What?” Ray interjected.

“I said I didn’t plan to leave you behind. I had every intention of taking you with me. That’s why I brought your suit with me. When you were passed out and everything had gone to hell in the prison, I had to take a calculated risk, and that was leaving you behind with your suit to escape on your own,” Len explained.

Ray swallowed painfully as his throat was very obviously dry from the shouting. “So why did you tell Mick all those things? That it was just the two of—”

“Because it was the only way I could convince Mick to leave!” Len cut in sternly. “I had to tell him it was just us like we said in the beginning. Obviously, it didn’t do any good since he was still determined to take you with us.” Ray stared into Len’s eyes, and he could see the frustration rising as he had to explain all of this to him. Which was why Ray knew Len was most likely telling the truth, and why he had to let him finish explaining it, less he never get another chance to see Len be somewhat emotionally open.

“So you were trying to save Mick first?” Ray asked.

“Mick wasn’t smart enough to escape that prison by himself, and having him carry you around only increased the odds that we all got killed. So, I tried to raise the chances of all of us surviving, including you. I knew you could get out alone with your suit. You didn’t need me or Mick. I took a risk and believed that your so-called genius intellect would kick in and you’d get back to the ship without me.”

“You… believed… in me?”

“Don’t make me say it again, Raymond,” Len griped with a scowl.

Ray felt a smile start to pull at his lips, but he tried not to let it show only because it would probably further annoy Len.

“So you really did try to save me?” Ray asked.

“You... irritate me, Raymond. You’re just like Barry; always trying to see the good in people, and trying to save them. I didn’t want to be saved from Vostok because I don’t think one life is worth the entire world, especially the life of a criminal. You on the other hand… let’s just say the world needs optimistic idiots like you. So does the team.”

“The world needs people like you too.”

Len snickered and gave one of his characteristic sarcastic grins. “There goes that ridiculous optimism again.”

Ray couldn’t help but crack a full smile at that. It would definitely take some time for him not to be completely mad at Len. But hearing him admit all of that, well it took a huge edge off of him.

“Stop smiling. It’s starting to irritate me,” Len teased.

Ray snickered quietly to himself, but the happy moment was short-lived when a shooting pain fired up Ray’s back. He winced and hissed in pain, and somehow had missed how quickly Len was at his side.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Len asked.

The intense pain quickly subsided to an aching throb, but it wasn’t that much better.

“I get back pains from all the injuries on my back. Gideon gave me this ointment to put on it, but I can’t exactly reach everywhere, and I didn’t want to ask,” Ray answered.

Len sighed in irritation. “You mean to tell me you’ll take a beating for someone, but you won’t even ask for someone to rub a little bit of ointment on your back?”

Ray shrugged innocently and Len sighed even deeper this time.

“Alright. Lead the way, Raymond.”

“Wait, you’re not offering to help me are you?”

“I can quickly change my mind if you don’t hurry up,” Len grumbled.

Ray nodded and made his way back to his room with Len quietly, and begrudgingly, following behind him. The pain in his back would flare up every few moments, but he tried his best to hide it, swallowing down every hiss or groan that threatened to escape his mouth.

Eventually they made it back to Ray’s room and Len looked around, taking in the slight mess that his room was.

“Here it is,” Ray said digging the container out of his bag and holding it up.

Len took the container from him, and in one swift motion pushed Ray down on the bed, and Ray didn’t miss the almost electric feel of Len’s hands on him. He only realized that feeling would get worse when Len ended up applying the ointment on his back.

“Shirt off. And don’t you dare tell anyone I’m doing this,” Len commanded.

Ray huffed with a grin, and slowly took his shirt off before tossing in on the bed. Ray didn’t miss the way Len’s eyes slowly raked across his body, and the look was hungry and it made Ray a surge of uneasiness in his stomach.

“Gotta say, Raymond, I underestimated you,” Len complimented.

“Thanks, I think,” Ray mumbled.

Len circled around the bed and crawled behind Ray, who heard the top pop off of the container.

“Alright, Raymond, let’s see if this miracle stuff works. And no squirming,” Len warned.

“I promise,” Ray laughed.

Ray anxiously wanted for the first touch, but nothing had prepared him for the cold feel of Len’s hands on his back. He’d expected rough and calloused hands, but Len’s were surprisingly smooth and gentle. Every touch and movement seemed careful and delicate.  

He felt a little bad because he was sure his back looked horrible with all his sores and bruises, and he couldn’t imagine that Len wanted to touch it. But Len didn’t say anything either, instead letting his hands gently roam across his back, coating every bruise and sore point on his body with the ointment that already seemed to be dulling the pain.

Ray felt his eyes slowly close and his breathing was starting to even out. Len’s hands felt… good on his back. It had been a while since someone had touched him like this, and even if it was for medical reasons he didn’t make it any less enthralling. He felt his body go limp almost and his brain felt like it was shutting down to allow himself to enjoy the touch just a bit more.

“Enjoying yourself, Raymond?” Len teased.

Ray jerked up and opened his eyes. He realized that he’d been moaning a little, and he knew he was turning red from embarrassment.

“Sorry,” Ray apologized as he turned back to him.

“Nothing to apologize for, Raymond,” Len breathed. Ray didn’t miss that his voice was lower, breathier, and more carnal. All of that was making Ray’s pants a lot tighter in very noticeable places.

Len was just smirking in an almost predatory fashion, and Ray swallowed and felt either the room or himself get a bit warmer. Len’s hands shifted lower and gently sliding down his sides before sliding up his body again. The movement sent a chill up Ray’s body, and Len seemed to be enjoy causing it.

Their faces were only a space apart, and Len continued to massage his back, the tingling of the ointment and his hands sending a ridiculous sensation throughout his entire body to the point that he couldn’t even stifle the groans that came out of his mouth. All he knew was that he didn’t want it to stop.

Maybe it was because he still had lingering feelings for the man, even if he was still angry with him, but he felt an immediate pull towards Len. Wanting nothing more than to close the gap between their lips, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Which was why Len did it for him.

It was so sudden that Ray hadn’t had a chance to breathe and prepare himself. All he knew was that Len’s lips were on his and his tongue was poking into his mouth, and he was relaxing his mouth to Len do whatever he wanted. Len was clearly an expert when it came to kissing, his tongue moving and touching all the right places, and biting his lip just hard enough that it had Ray groaning into his mouth. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity to Ray, but was only a few seconds.

When Len pulled back, Ray felt a little like a child getting a taste of candy for the first time and desperately wanting more, but he didn’t want to push Len. Hell, he still had no idea where the kiss had come from, or how they could’ve gone from bickering like ex-friends to kissing so tenderly like that in such a short period of time.

“What was that?” Ray whispered.

“Consider it an apology,” Len answered.

Len pulled himself off the bed, a smug and satisfied smirk on his face, and Ray couldn’t stop staring at him.

“I really don’t know if I should do this, cause I’m pretty sure I’m still mad at you… but you wouldn’t want to stay in here with me tonight, would you?” Ray asked hesitantly.

“I’ll have to take a rain check on that, Raymond. Maybe next time,” Len answered casually. Ray would’ve been disappointed if not for the fact that Len hadn’t actually said no and seemed to be considering it.

Instead he was just confused and emotionally compromised, and all because of one Leonard Snart.

“Sleep tight, Raymond,” Len said before exiting Ray’s room. 

 Ray just sat there speechless, stunned, and confused, wondering just what the hell had happened. Eventually he forced himself to lie back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling while trying to process it all.

He and Len were okay, or at least better than what they were before. But he didn’t think they were at a place that would’ve entailed kissing, but he was more than okay with it, and God did he want more. Whatever had happened with him and Len, it felt good, and it felt right. And it was in that moment when he realized he his feelings for Len he’d tried so hard to repress were back in full and stronger than before.

“I am so screwed,” he mumbled to himself, before pulling the blanket over his body and letting the exhaustion and sleep finally consume him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late and overdue! But here's the penultimate chapter. Also the rating changed because of this chapter too. Looks like I couldn't stay away from the porn haha. Hope you enjoy!

“I can’t believe you got me into this,” Len grumbled as pulled the trigger on his cold gun, blasting away at a group of what he and Ray had thought were just a group of relaxed and relatively high hippies from the sixties, but instead turned out to be Savage’s underlings operating under a very good disguise.

“I thought a free-love community out in the woods would’ve been a good place to get information on the attacks and disappearances here. I didn’t think they’d be the one’s experimenting on people for Savage,” Ray argued back. He ducked his head behind a large, fallen oak tree as bullets passed overhead, and watched as Len fired another blast from his cold gun at them.

“You should’ve figured it out when they kept trying to push those damn psychedelic drugs on us,” Len growled. Len fired a couple more blasts before sinking back down behind the makeshift barrier. “And where the hell is your suit?”

Ray shrugged. “I figured since it was the sixties people would be all about Free Love and non-violence I wouldn’t need it.” Len gave him the coldest glare he could muster in the moment, and Ray didn’t need to hear it to know Len was thinking he was an idiot. “In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the best decision.”

“You think?” Len barked. They both heard a shrill screech and Ray knew they were releasing the experimented human test subjects on them.

The human test subjects had been the reason they were here in the first place. Rip had dropped them off in the sixties to investigate the disappearance of several people as well as the sightings of what people had called zombies. Ray had been the first to volunteer for the recon mission mostly because he hadn’t been allowed to do anything since his last rescue mission that left him in critical condition. Ray hadn’t been surprised when Len volunteered to go with him, claiming he would keep him from doing something stupid again.

Of course they still hadn’t talked about the kiss, and throughout the recon mission Len had absolutely zero indication that he wanted to. Ray, however, he wanted nothing more than to talk about it because it was slowly driving him insane and reawakening every feeling he had for the man that he’d tried so hard to ignore. It was to the point now that Len even looking in his direction had nearly prompted him to confess his feelings.

Of course the opportunity had never come up since the group of hippies they’d been doing a poor job of trying to fit in with had figured out that they weren’t interested in being part of their group. It all went downhill when the two of them had consistently refused to take the drugs they’d been offered which was apparently the first step in turning into the mutated people that had been spotted around the area.

That was how they ended up here, hiding in the forest behind a fall tree from the onslaught.  

Ray peaked his head over to look, and felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw a group of what looked like naked, mutated people, most likely the nudist hippies that had gone missing over the last few weeks here in the sixties, crawling on all fours towards them. Their skin was discolored a pasty white color, and the color of their eyes looked eerily black. It truly seemed like human zombies had come to life.

Len pushed Ray’s head back down behind the tree they were hiding behind much to Ray’s chagrin.

“Keep your head down, Raymond. You’re dead weight enough as it is. I don’t need you getting injured even more.”

Len fired another couple of blasts at the attacking group before cursing under loudly.

“Are the others on their way?”

“Don’t know,” Len quickly answered with a gruff voice. Ray had taken that as of right now they were on their own. There were a few more blasts before Len joined Ray down on the ground. “How are your legs working?”

Ray did a test kick of his leg and wiggled his foot. “They’re good, I think.”

“Good. We’re about to make a run for it.”

“Where are we going?” Ray immediately asked.

“Anywhere but here. We’re sitting ducks if we stay here any longer.” Ray swallowed but nodded in understanding. He hadn’t quite prepared for a large physical endeavor, but he mentally steeled himself to run. “When I say go, you run. Got it?”

“Got it.”

Something about the way Len’s blue eyes bored into him sent a chill down his spine, but in a way that was familiar. It made him think about the kiss from a few days ago, and how Len looked at him as though he was the world even if it was brief.

“And Raymond, if I go down, you keep running, and you don’t look back. Do you understand me?”

“I’m not leaving you behind!” Ray argued quickly. Of course Len was trying to put him in this position again where he had to choose between saving the world and saving Len. But if the situation with Vostok had taught him anything it was that he would always choose his friends, or whatever the hell he and Len were now.

“Raymond, promise me,” Len sternly said, creeping into Ray’s personal space.

Ray swallowed and nodded, and had to resist kissing Len whose lips were right in front of him, his breath teasing his face as he talked.

Len nodded, and quickly stood back up firing a few more shots from the Cold Gun, and Ray waited in a now heart-pounding anticipation for the command. His only thoughts now were making sure both he and Len made it out alive. He didn’t want to even think about what happened if either of them didn’t.

“Run!” Len yelled before quickly pulling Ray up and both of them taking off through the forest.

Ray was slow for a minute his legs still protesting the sudden and vigorous movement, but soon enough he was keeping up with Len. He couldn’t help but look back for a moment and he immediately regretted it when he saw the barely human-like feral things running towards them, crawling on all fours and howling like beasts.

“I guess that’s why they always tell people not to do drugs,” Ray mocked.

“Really, Raymond?” Len admonished.

They continued to run deeper into the forest, the Waverider still miles off in the distance and no hope of anyone coming to their aid anytime soon. The worst part was that the feral humans were gaining on them swiftly, and Ray wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep up this pace for much longer.

“How’re you doing, Boy Scout?” Len asked.

Ray huffed, but couldn’t help the small grin that came with hearing that nickname again. “I was one of the first to get a merit badge in personal fitness, and wilderness survival so I think I’m doing alright.” That was the exact opposite of how he was feeling now though as he felt himself slowing down, and his old injuries from the gulag and the last battle with Savage started to ache and make themselves known.

Len snickered at that, and for a moment Ray saw a moment of ease in the man’s face that had been missing for so long. But just as quickly as Len’s smile appeared, it faltered into a stern scowl and he quickly stopped running.

“Raymond, move!” Len yelled before pushing Ray out of the way as one of the feral humans leapt at him.

Ray hit the ground and tumbled a bit before looking up to see Len fighting the person off, though he was struggling to hold his own against the person.

“What are you waiting for, Raymond? Keep moving,” Len commanded, as he struggled to fight the person off. The others were gaining on them fast, and Ray knew that Len would lose this fight and probably his life.

Instinctively, Ray knew his heart wouldn’t allow him to leave Len behind, and as he sat there watching Len struggle, he realized that more than anyone or anything he couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. Not because of this. He still had so many things he wanted to say to the man. So many arguments he wanted to have with him. So many things he wanted to do with him. And even if Len didn’t want all those things, Ray knew he couldn’t live with himself if Len wasn’t at least alive to try. And if he and Len died here, at least it’d be together.

Ray jumped up and before his brain could catch up with his body’s actions, he was tackling the experimented human to the ground, punching the person as best as he could. It had worked for all of a few second before the beast got the upper hand, flipping Ray on his back hard and knocking the air out of his lungs.

The thing screeched in his face and reared back to hit him, getting one good punch to his face in. Ray had prepared for everything to go dark, but that never came as a flash of blueish-white blinded him and the beast was knocked back, leaving it motionless with its head encased in a block of ice.

“Raymond, what the hell did I tell you?” Len angrily growled.

Ray’s body hurt too much to get up, and Len quickly moved to help him, helping him up and supporting him on his shoulder.

“Do you know how big of a fucking idiot you are?” Len jabbed. He struggled to move them back, but it was useless as the feral humans were only a mere few feet away.

“I told you… I wasn’t gonna leave you behind. If you go down… so do I,” Ray muttered in between stuttered breaths.

“Damnit, Raymond. You should’ve survived this,” Ray swore he heard Len mutter under his breath. He wasn’t quite sure anymore since his head was pounding from the first punch.

“Sorry, Len,” Ray murmured, grinning at the man.

The feral humans charged at them, and Ray felt Len grip him tighter most likely in a futile effort to protect him. But Ray had braced himself for the inevitable attack, expecting to be torn to shreds like he’d seen these _things_ do.

Instead he was met with a burst of heat and pained howls and screeches. When he opened his eyes he saw Firestorm’s merged body descending from the sky, shooting down every attacking human with bursts of flame.

“Get out of here! We’ll handle it!” he heard Firestorm yell at them.

“In case you haven’t noticed kid, you’re out numbered!” Len yelled back.

As if on cue, a motor roared through out the forest and Sara came riding into view on a motorcycle with Mick right behind her on a bike of his own. Both of them mowed down several of the attacking creatures as the came to a halt.

Sara hoped off and Mick pulled his gun out, wasting no time in shooting down anyone of the feral humans that made even the slightest movement.

“Get him out of here!” Sara commanded.

Len didn’t bother to argue this time and dragged Ray with him away from the scene. Ray knew they could handle it, but he still felt bad that he was once again useless and holding them back. They walked for a while and it didn’t seem like an end to the trees was in sight for them at all.

“C’mon, Raymond, just a bit further,” Len encouraged, though Ray could hear the irritation floating around in his voice.

Ray felt his legs regain some feeling, but he wasn’t sure it’d be enough to support himself alone, but he did his best.

They both stopped when they heard what sounded like the Waverider coming down to land, and they watched as trees collapsed and a strong gust of air hit them. When the cloaking came off both of them watched the ship land and the hatch open for both him and Ray.

Rip was standing at the top, waving them on to the ship.

“Hurry up and get on!” Rip yelled.

Len walked them up to the ship, Ray supporting him as best as he could until they were back on the ship.

“Where are the rest of them?” Rip asked.

“Fighting off some drugged up people that Savage was experimenting on,” Len caustically remarked.

Kendra came out to see them, and she quickly came become alert and concerned when she saw Ray leaning on Len’s shoulder.

“Is he alright?” Kendra asked.

“I’m fine, Kendra,” Ray assured, though he guessed the weakness in his voice was probably not a good way to show it.

“He’ll be fine,” Len quickly answered as he continued to walk him back.

“Where are you taking him?” Kendra asked.

“Somewhere to teach him a lesson in following orders,” Len growled.

Ray didn’t know what to say to that, instead opting to remain completely silent while Len walked him off somewhere. When they were down the hallway, Ray realized that Len was taking him to back to his bedroom which was a comfort because he really wanted to lie down in his own bed.

When the door opened, Len walked him over to the bed before depositing him on it, making Ray groan as the mattress rubbed against the injuries on his back that were better, but still healing.

“Gideon, lock the door and make sure everyone knows not to bother us,” Len commanded.

“As you wish, Mr. Snart,” Gideon answered.

When they heard the click of the lock on the door, Ray looked up to see Len’s eyes dark and narrowed on him.

“Len, I didn’t—I couldn’t—”

“I gave you one order, Raymond. I told you to run even if I went down, and you couldn’t handle that one thing,” Len interrupted.

“I told you. I’m not leaving you behind, so you can yell at me all you want, but I don’t regret doing it, and I would do it again,” Ray argued as a sudden rush of adrenaline hit him.

Len stalked closer to him, but Ray stood his ground and didn’t lurch back on the bed, instead sitting firmly on the edge of the bed in front of Len.

“You’re an idiot, Raymond. All you did was guarantee that both of us would’ve died, and it would’ve all been for nothing other than your stupid sense of heroic pride.”

“That’s not true. Maybe I had another reason to stay behind,” Ray quickly dismissed. Len’s curiosity seemed piqued by what he said, his head tilting just a little, his eyes practically demanding an explanation. Ray swallowed, and knew that he had an opportunity to confess some of what was going on in his head, and maybe get some of his feelings out.

“Maybe I wanted to stay behind with you… because there are certain feelings I have for you,” Ray said, letting out a deep breath after the words left his mouth.

Len’s expression didn’t change at all which didn’t seem to be a good sign, but it was already too late. The cat was out of the bag and things were destined to change after this.

“And what feelings are those, Raymond?” Len asked in a hushed tone.

“You already know what feelings Len. You kissed me!” Ray exclaimed. Len seemed slightly more amused by his sudden outburst, but Ray had to get it all out because all his emotions were starting to bubble up inside of him and he wasn’t sure he could contain it any longer. “I like you, Len, and I thought maybe I would try to see if there was something between us after the kiss. But I can’t tell if you even care or want to try.”

Len closed his eyes, seemingly exasperated now all of a sudden, and Ray took it as confirmation that he was most likely wrong. He felt like the room was closing in on him again, and he needed to get out quick.

“Raymond,” was all Len said his voice light but still noticeably stern. 

Ray stood up off the bed, and tried to take a step forward past Len, but Len gripped his shirt almost immediately, and kissed him the second their eyes met. The kiss was rough and needy like Len had been craving this for so long, and Ray just let himself melt into it because he’d be lying if hadn’t been hoping and dreaming for this to happen.

When Len pulled his lips away, Ray stumbled backwards still in complete surprise.

“You’re an idiot, Raymond,” Len teased, but Ray smiled at the insult because he knew it was Len’s way of saying he cared even if didn’t sound like it at all.

“I know,” Ray laughed.

Len pushed him back down on the bed, but this time, Len crawled over top of him, a subtle smirk playing the corner of his lips, and a predatory gaze lingering in his blue eyes.

“What are you doing?” Ray asked.

“I told you I was going to teach you a lesson in following orders, Raymond. Here’s your first lesson,” Len answered his words honeyed and teasing. The confidence and seduction in his voice sent the blood rushing down to Ray’s groin, and Len seemed to quickly notice as he let a hand travel down Ray’s pants, rubbing at the erection growing in his pants.

Ray felt his breathing get heavier as Len palmed his cock through his pants while Len seemed thoroughly amused by just watching him lose it.

“Feel good, Raymond?”

Ray swallowed and nodded. Len seemed pleased with that answer, and leaned down to kiss him, biting Ray’s lip and letting his tongue slip inside his mouth. Ray let his hands settle on the bottom of Len’s back, not yet daring to go any lower unless he had explicit permission. _But God did he want to._

Len’s hands though had sunk lower, hooking onto the belt loop of his pants, and expertly making short work on his belt. When his pants were loose enough Ray felt his hand sink underneath both his pants and boxers and he felt a cold hand touching his cock, tracing a line down to his balls. He shuddered the entire time. Len kissed a line from his lips down his cheek, landing on his neck.

“Jesus, I—it feels so good,” Ray breathed.

Len pulled his hand free and Ray whimpered at the loss of feeling down there.

“Didn’t I say I was going to punish you, _Raymond_?”

Just hearing the way Len said his name made his cock twitch slightly.

“Please, Len. I want more,” Ray begged.

“If I do, will you listen to me? Will you follow my exact orders?” Len questioned. Len let a hand sift through Ray’s hair before gripping a bundle of it tightly, and making Ray grasp and the tight but pleasurable feeling.

“Yes, Len. Please—just need you,” Ray pleaded, no shame in how desperate his whine was.

Len rewarded him with a brief kiss, just enough to tease him.

“Take your pants off, and when you’re done undo mine,” Len commanded. He let Ray’s hair go from his grip and Ray quickly made short work of his pants and boxers, kicking them off after his shoes, leaving him naked from the waist down.

“Not bad, Raymond. I didn’t think you’d be packing that much down there,” Len noted, and Ray felt a pool of heat in his cheeks. He felt like a model on display with Len watching him, and it made everything feel more important, like his entire life depended on this moment.

He reached up to undo Len’s pants, every movement careful and slow. When his pants were undone he slowly pulled them down, letting Len’s cock pop free.

Ray couldn’t take his eyes away from it. Len was hung, cock curving and making him shudder at the thought of it inside him.

“Like what you see?” Len asked jokingly.

Ray nodded again, his heart beating so hard that he felt it would pop out of his chest. He didn’t realize how fucking gone he was on Leonard Snart until now as he was staring at his cock like it was the Holy Grail.

“Alright, Raymond, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to get the lube that I know you keep in hidden in the bottom of your clothes bag, and then you’re going to lie back and jerk us both off. Understand?”

Ray swallowed again and nodded, and Len pulled off of Ray, sitting back on the bed and kicking off his boots, pants, and boxers while watching Ray scurry to grab the lube. Ray could feel his eyes on him, and when he looked back, he felt a shiver crawl up his spine as Len was gently stroking his cock while smirking.

With lube in hand Ray hurried back to his bed and sat down on it, waiting for Len’s further instructions, and he wondered just how his brain had let him just bow down and listen to Len’s every command like this.

“Sit back on the bed and open the lube,” Len commanded.

Ray obliged and crawled until he was as far back on the bed as he could go while popping the top on the bottle in his hand. Len crawled over top of him, legs straddling Ray’s thighs while he leaned down close to Ray’s face.

“Alright, Raymond, lube me up and let’s get this show on the road.”

Ray swallowed again and slowly squeezed the lube onto his hand before hesitantly reaching for Len’s cock that was hard with a droplet of precome forming at the head. When he wrapped his hand around Len’s cock he heard the older man’s breath hitch, and Ray’s cock twitched in response.

Len groaned as Ray continued to spread the lube all around his cock, and Ray drank in every sound, utterly mesmerized by how different and beautiful Len looked. The man was losing control and Ray was the reason he was and there was something ironic and thrilling about that fact.

“C’mon Raymond, jerk us both off. I wanna see that pretty cock of yours,” Len breathed, his tone a mere space away from a growl.

Len’s lips were on Ray’s again while Ray struggled to get more lube on his hand. Len was ferocious with his kiss, biting Ray’s lips just hard enough to draw forth groans from Ray while his tongue explored and tasted every inch Ray’s mouth. Ray felt like coming just from that alone. But he did his best to will away his orgasm, and started slicking up his own cock, shuddering as the feel of his own fingers on his cock became overwhelming.

Len slapped his hand away from his own cock, and Ray quickly stopped and looked up at Len whose kiss-swollen lips were curled into a dangerous smirk.

“I thought I said jerk us both off, Raymond,” Len muttered darkly.

Ray’s had to force himself to breathe, and he felt like he was in trouble. But deep down the urge to please Len had started to grow and overwhelm him. He wanted nothing more than the man’s praise right now.

Len’s cock was close to his, and with only a slight hesitation, Ray wrapped his hand around both of their cocks and felt a wave of pleasure cross his body as he felt Len’s cock firmly against his.

“Good boy, Raymond. Now jerk us both off,” Len commanded in a light but dominating voice.

Ray couldn’t help but whimper at the praise, and he quickly followed Len’s command, letting his hand glide up and down both of their cocks while squeezing just enough to keep their shafts flushed together.

Len’s face had a tinge of red in it as he continued to breathe harder and heavier. Ray felt more movement as he continued to stroke both their cocks and he realized that Len was starting to give small, aborted thrusts into his hand, and Ray practically felt his eyes roll back in his head as he felt the friction of Len’s cock rutting against his.

“Fuck—Raymond—I underestimated you,” Len teased with a short laugh.

Ray managed a small breathy laugh of his own that was quickly drowned out by a moan as Len’s cock rubbed at a sensitive spot right underneath the head of Ray’s cock.

The pressure in his groin was unbearable, and he just needed that one little push and he’d be able to come. Len seemed to read his mind and let his lips kiss a trail down Ray’s face to his neck while Len sucked and bit at the skin just hard enough to sit on the edge of pain and pleasure. Ray whimpered at the mark no doubt being sucked into his skin, and with one last stroke, he was coming.

He was surprised by the sheer magnitude of his orgasm, come shooting in spurts coating his hand and both of their cocks in his release. Len continued to rut into his hand the entire time, and each time Ray shuddered as he continued to orgasm.

Len growled and soon Ray felt another rush of warmth cover his hand and cock and Len came on both of them. Ray looked up at Len, watching and memorizing every detail of Len’s face in this moment when the man was so vulnerable and relaxed, letting the pleasure of his orgasm overtake him.

They both were a sticky, sweaty mess, but it was a surreal and utterly tender moment that he’d never expected to have with Len, at least not yet, and he didn’t want it to end.

Eventually time and reality returned and Len rolled off the bed, his body still naked from the waist down, and he disappeared into the tiny excuse for a bathroom that they were provided and found a towel to wipe his hand off with, and Ray wasn’t going to complain that it was the towel he showered with, especially since he was sitting and looking at a very naked Leonard Snart.

Len walked out and tossed the towel at Ray, and Ray cleaned himself off as best as he could, though he still felt sticky. He was too tired though to do anything about it as the adrenaline rush had worn off and he wanted nothing more than to sleep.

“Well Raymond, I guess you proved you can follow directions a bit,” Len jeered with a smirk.

Ray chuckled and lazily lied down on the bed while sleepily watching Len reach down to pick up his pants and boxers.

This was the difficult part, watching Len leave. He didn’t want them to not talk about this again and sweep it under the rug until the next life-threatening moment. If he could have it his way, they’d be like this for a long time.

“Wait, Len,” Ray stopped, his mind too tired to halt his sudden outburst.

Len had his boxers on, but stopped before he stuck his foot down a pant leg.

“What is it this time, Raymond?”

Ray took a deep breath and mentally steeled himself for what he was about to ask.

“Stay. Please. Just this one time.”

Len didn’t seem shocked or surprised by the request, but there was no indication of whether he was going to agree or not.

“And why should I?” Len finally asked after a moment of silence that had felt like an hour to Ray.

“Because… I don’t know what’ll happen next time we go up against Savage. And, even if it’s just this one time, I want to know what it might feel like for us to be… you know, a thing,” Ray explained, his voice getting gradually softer as the pull to sleep grew stronger.

Len took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a brief moment, and the moments of quiet felt tense. Ray felt a strong sense of relief though when he watched Len’s pants fell to the floor and the man slowly made his way over to the bed that felt a little too small to be holding two grown men on it and crawled behind Ray.

“I’ll oblige you this one time, Raymond, and that’s it,” Len sighed, though Ray noted the lack of irritation in his voice which made him wonder if that was really true.

Ray wasn’t used to being the little spoon, but with Len it felt… right. It felt even better when Len wrapped an arm around his waist and nudged himself closer to Ray.

“I didn’t take you for a cuddler,” Ray teased.

“Yeah well I didn’t take someone with your IQ level to be a self-sacrificing idiot. The world’s full of surprises, Raymond.”

Ray laughed at that and let his eyes close while letting one hand cover Len’s that was wrapped around his body. He was content to sleep, but he felt Len’s lips tenderly kissing the back of his neck.

“Don’t ever throw your life away like that again, Raymond,” he heard Len mutter softly behind him.

His tone was plain and simple, but Ray felt every drop of emotion in it. Even if Len wouldn’t openly admit to it, Ray knew Len cared about him more than he’d probably ever planned to. Maybe one day Len could admit how he truly felt about out loud.

But for right now this was more than enough for him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a introspective part of Len coming to terms with his situation, so it's not as long, as the others. but I figured this would be a good place and way to end it. I've really enjoyed writing this and thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos on it! You all are the best! Depending on how the rest of this season goes I might add more or write a companion fic with more!

Len wasn’t sure what had woken him up, but whatever it was had disturbed some of the best sleep he’d had in a long time. Being woken up also forced him to realize that he had basically just slept with Ray Palmer of all people and had come to terms with the fact that he cared for Ray a lot more than he’d ever wanted to.

Seeing Ray nearly throw his life away for him again yesterday—it bothered him more than the last time. Hell, it downright angered him.

Maybe it was because Raymond was too stupid to realize that the world needed more genius like him, even if his optimism annoyed him to no end.

He sat up on the bed, and looked over at Ray sleeping peacefully, and looking a little too innocent for a man over the age of thirty. He’d debated getting out of the bed and leaving, but he knew how Ray would react. He’d give him that sad, kicked puppy-dog look and throw a fit in his own Raymond way. And though he enjoyed getting under the man’s skin, he didn’t want to give off the impression that he didn’t care about him. Not anymore.

After several moments of internal debating helped by the chill in the room, he to at least get out of bed and put his pants on. The moment he moved though he heard Ray mumble something incoherent, stirring slightly as he did so.

Eventually Ray turned over in his bed and looked up at Len with sleepy, half-lidded eyes and moaned a little too lewdly for a man still half asleep.

“Mmm, what time is it?” Ray muttered.

“We’re on a futuristic ship that can travel to any point in time that exists. You think I’m keeping up with what time it is, Raymond?”

Surprisingly, that brought a smile to Ray’s face, and the other man slowly stretched out, but didn’t bother to sit up on the bed, instead looking up at Len with a dopey smile that Len shouldn’t have found as… endearing as it was.

“So, no regrets about what we did?” Ray asked.

Len gave him a curious glance. Did Ray think he would regret it? And if so, was he still harboring some ill feelings about what had happened back in the Gulag?

“Did you think I’d have some?”

Ray’s smile faltered a little, and Len could practically sense concern coming off of him. In fact, looking down in his big, brown eyes, Len could see fear and apprehension lingering in his expression.

“I don’t know. It’s just—just that maybe what happened between us was all just adrenaline from yesterday. I mean, half the time I feel like you don’t even like being around me, so I just don’t want to make you feel awkward about this,” Ray rambled.

Len wasn’t sure he was ready for another emotional conversation with him. He knew how he felt on the inside, and that was all that mattered. But chances are Ray would want this because if things weren’t explicitly spelled out for the man, he’d come up with some crazy idea and run with it.  If Len didn’t want to turn this situation sour very quickly then he would need to go along with it.

But he couldn’t help but snicker at Ray’s concerns. He was starting to realize that Ray had paid a lot less attention to what was going on between them than he’d initially thought, and it was mildly amusing.

“Once again, Raymond, you have proven that you’re an idiot,” he teased, grinning down at the man.

Ray sat up immediately after Len said that, and just continued to grin, knowing full well that Ray would probably get frustrated or annoyed by it.

“What do you mean?” Ray asked.

“When have I ever done anything without thinking it through?” Len countered.

“I—well—I don’t know.”

“Exactly. Because the answer is I don’t. I’ve gotten where I am in life through careful planning and thinking. I don’t make decisions like this without meticulously thinking everything through.”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me feel better or feel worse,” Ray noted.

Len took a deep breath to prevent himself from saying something snide towards Ray. The guy really was dense when it came to anything that wasn’t related to science or television, and Len had a feeling this was always going to be an issue with Ray.

“What I’m trying to say, Raymond, is that I’ve already thought about this whole arrangement between you and I, and obviously I’m still here,” he huffed, hoping that would get through the man’s brilliant but oblivious head.

It seemed to this time as the tiny but bright smile returned to Ray’s lips, and Len rolled his eyes smirking back at the man as well. He also wasn’t surprised when Ray leaned forward and kissed him. Len figured he could be a jerk about it, but he welcomed the kiss openly, not minding that their morning breath. In fact, Ray’s kiss had him wanting more already.

“So what does that make us?” Ray asked.

“I’m not a fan of labels. But—I guess you can say I’m the man who’s cursed to always care about your wellbeing and find you attractive even though you’re a pain in the ass half the time.”

Ray snorted in amusement at that, and Len realized that he definitely cared more about Ray than he was willing to let on. He didn’t want anyone else to die trying to save the future. Even though the team had lost Carter, there was something that had bothered him endlessly about the possibility of losing Ray. The way he cared about Ray was different then how he worried about others like Mick. His thoughts and feelings about Mick were those of what someone felt for his brother. He knew Mick could handle himself and he rarely found himself concerned with how he was doing.

Ray was different.

And like a bolt of lightning, it had finally struck him about what it was.

Everything he did was out of fear. Attempting to leave Ray behind in the Gulag was him reacting out of fear of getting too close to someone like that again. But then that had changed, and soon it became a fear of losing Ray. Because even though the man was infuriating with his optimistic outlook on the world, he cared about him enough that he never wanted Ray to lose that light.

Every mean comment he said was his way of showing the man that he meant something to him. He wanted just wanted Ray to survive all of this somehow. Because he couldn’t lose Ray. Ray every day was making this trip more bearable, and there were still things he wanted to try with him even if he was loathe letting Ray know that.

“Something on your mind?” Ray asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how I got myself into this mess with you,” Len snipped back at the man.

“You don’t sound so upset about it,” Ray noted. Len snorted and smirked at that while Ray sat up on the bed and moved closer to him, and Len realized that Ray was snuggling up to him. If it were anyone else, he’d have push them off with a glare. But with Ray he didn’t seem to mind as much. He wasn’t going to let him do it in public though—at least not anytime soon.

“So, what do you want to do before we go back out and face whatever Rip or Savage throws at us next?”

Len had a few ideas, all of which involved even less clothing then they were wearing now because he wasn’t sure what would happen to them going forward. All he knew is that while he had Ray safe and sound, he’d use that time to experience as much as he could with him.

“You’re going to take the rest of your clothes off, and we’re going to spend a very long time getting to know each other very intimately,” Len murmured pushing Ray back down on the bed.

He slid a hand underneath Ray’s shirt and helped the man pull it off before discarding his own shirt on the floor, leaving them both stark naked, and Ray’s cock showing interest behind him.

“Are you sure? I mean, everyone’s probably awake and will hear us. Despite what happened yestday… I’m—uhh—not super quiet in the bedroom,” Ray stammered.

Len leaned down and kissed Ray gently, basking slightly in the surprised noises coming from the man.

“Not exactly my biggest concern if everyone on the ship knows. Besides, I like it loud. Now get that lube so I can put this dick of yours to use.”

Ray laughed, but rather than oblige Len’s command, he lurched forward to kiss Len, smiling that ridiculous, goofy smile of his. Len didn’t realize he’d become so weak to seeing it.

“You’ve got a way with words, Len. I sort of like it. And I really like you.”

Len tried, but failed to hide the smile that was pressing at his lips. Soon enough he’d start letting his guard down even more around Ray. Enough that he wouldn’t second guess a smile directed at him. With enough time he’d be ready to openly show his care for the man. Hell, before this was all over maybe he could tell the man he was falling in love with him.

But for right now this was enough.

For right now, he’d have Ray right by his side and never leave him behind again.


End file.
